IS IT OKAY TO HAVE FOREPLAY IN A RELATIONSHIP?

I never had a relationship until my NYSC. In school, I was a critical, judgmental, and spiritual person –or so I thought. When I went for my Youth Service Corps, I met this cool dude, handsome, intelligent, and a lover of God. He just swept me off my feet. I was head over heels in love with him. We started off quite strong but along the line, we started fore play –kissing, smooching, caressing, necking, pecking, cuddling, and all the sexual activities. You know I was so blinded by the fun that afterwards we will apologize and cry, feeling remorse for what we had done but we still did it again and again. You know the sad thing? He were both Executives in the fellowship and we were doing these stuffs in the family house. It was so sad! But by the help of the Holy Spirit, I broke up with him because sincerely  the guy had issues and I just wanted to make things right with God. He was my first love so I was so enmeshed in the ill relationship.

I really appreciate this topic because topics like these are not truthfully trashed out that’s why girls are getting pregnant. This is so sad but it’s not new and the reason is not because girls want to be dirty or just want to give out their bodies cheaply. It is because they are missing something. There is something they don’t understand. If you don’t understand why you are doing something, you will never do it well. Many people go amiss in religious circles not because they don’t know God but because they don’t understand deeply.

So we are going to be both spiritual and practical on this topic.                        

First, what is Foreplay? It is basically the activity that is used to start a pleasant sexual experience. Not all foreplay leads to sex obviously if not, we would have many more pregnancies and probably abortions as well.

You were created by Someone. That Someone created you for a purpose. That Someone is God and until He unites you in Marriage, He owns you. Most times, we forget this part when we enter into a relationship. We think because the relationship is up to 1 year then it is okay to “loosen up”. This is where the problem comes from. Dele doesn’t own you. Kunle doesn’t have the right to kiss you. Please stop mixing it up. Esteem yourself as high as God is esteeming you.

Now if you are not willing to understand God and who He is to you, what I am about to say will sound like rubbish to you. But please hang on and listen.

God who created you is in a love relationship with you. He loves, guides, and guards us with His supreme Love. When you are in a love relationship with God, we cheat on Him when we allow another person touch our breast. When we are in a relationship with God, we cheat on Him when we kiss the person he hasn’t given us fully too. If you have the understanding that you are in a deep love relationship with God and that you are cheating on your lover and sweetheart when you indulge in all sort, you will allow your feelings lead you less. When we keep this in mind, we will automatically be more conscious of hurting that relationship.

To take it practically, if you were in a relationship with let’s say Dele for simplicity and Dele goes and starts kissing and touching one of your sisters or friend while he is still in a love relationship with you, how would you feel? This is exactly how God feels expect that God’s love for you is a 100 times that of Dele’s and He doesn’t expect you to now be giving access to anyone he hasn’t legally authorized you to.

We must learn to treat God like a real-life lover and not some invisible being who doesn’t have feelings.

Finally, I would also like to treat a subliminal part of this topic. How did the two people get so good at engaging in Foreplay? There’s a common saying that goes thus: You become what you see. We must learn to feed our eyes with pure and holy things. You must ask yourself, what am I feeding myself with? How did I ever learn how to do all these? Are you watching movies or series that is 70% sex scenes  and 30% acting? You cannot be watching half-naked music artistes and expect not to succumb when a guy pulls you closer. The things we feed ourselves goes a long way in determining the outcome of our lives.

When urges come really strong, you always have a choice.

“You either feed the urge or starve the urge”

Ask people who said they almost had sex but they didn’t how they did it. It is nothing magically; it simply is a Choice. And you can make that choice before things get intense. Let’s stop lying that it is impossible. Some people had to make covenants to enforce abstinence. Obviously not everyone needs to do that but we must all know what must keep us going.

That's all for now...

Contributed by Nkechi Chiazor

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