IS IT COOL TELLING HIM ABOUT MY PAST IMMEDIATELY I SAY YES TO HIM OR SHOULD I WAIT A BIT?

You just said yes to a guy; is it cool to tell him about your past immediately or you tell him along the line?

I’ll love to make an illustration here that I believe would help us understand what I am about to say. The purpose we go to school is to get a degree and whatever we do in the school is in preparation for that degree that will ultimately enable you finally practise all that you have been preparing for in real life. That’s exactly how it is when you enter into a relationship.

When you enter into a relationship, Marriage should be your goal even as you try to be sure if it would work out or not. Whatever you want to see in your marriage, begin to practise it now. For the purpose of this question, I will concentrate on Transparency. While you may not be able to download all your life story in one week to this new guy, you should tell him what I would call “the Majors”. Tell him the major things and also know his own as well.

Why should you do this?

•    It keeps you at peace. It ensures you are not tying someone down with the fake you.
•  To avoid blackmail or fear of bumping into anyone from your past.
•  So if it isn't what he or she wants or if he can’t stay with that, you guys should move on “quickly”. At this point, there’s really no point going from JSS1 to SSS3 if you are not going to write WAEC. Get the joke?

Once you guys know the major things e.g. I once slept with a married man or I once killed someone or committed abortion etc. it helps the person to be sure –and even double sure- if he wants to be with you. Once you have cleared those big things, smaller things come out with that time that you will share naturally. You don’t want to have someone that wouldn’t accept you for all that you are and what you have been through. Nobody wants to fake love so the earlier the big secrets come out, the easier and better for the people in the relationship

So my main points:

         

• Practise whatever you want to be practiced in Marriage now –except sex obviously. Start shaping how your marriage would be from your deeds in your relationships.

• Transparency in any relationship is Key. Don’t compromise it because it would backfire in one way or the other.

• Your husband is your husband and would accept you no matter who you are. You don’t need to postpone important talks to keep a man

•  You have nothing to fear. Once Jesus has accepted you, every other acceptance is actually secondary.

That's all for now...

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Contributed by Nkechi Chiazor
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